Keeping the peace

Gangrim's Journal

People don't understand when to duck.

That caravan I joined got attacked predictably, I did tell them not to go into the spooky forest (failed diplomacy check with now dead merc captain). Well I was on top of one of the caravans with my crossbow loaded while the rest broadcasted our position singing merrily along, I picked up on the foul smell of Orcs in the trees but it was too late, arrows pretty much crushed our fighting force before any resistance could be mounted. I found myself standing back to back with the captain and to his credit he held his own till a goblin shaman took him off guard. With him dead his men legged it, humans and elves what can I say, unfortunately that left me at a disadvantage so I threw a javelin that took the shaman in the shoulder and followed them away from the battle.
Annoyed that I lost my javelin, was in the company of cowards and unlikely to get paid this week I went back to the battleground to see if I could pick off a few scavengers. When I got there I found tracks indicating that some survivors were taken, mainly women or men with small feet. When I told the surviving mercs they said I, and I alone, should go find the enemy base, kill everyone inside and take the hostages out and escort them back to town. I hate people.
Since I didn’t want to leave defenceless women to the mercy of Orcs and goblins, that and it’s got to count towards hazard pay I went looking for trouble. It wasn’t long before I found some tracks and followed them to a cave. This is where things got strange.
I heard a massive explosion and ran inside to see flambéed goblins and a pair of fighters and one blabbering Orc in the corner fighting to hold a doorway which was rapidly spawning rather large goblins. This spooky looking pretty-boy screamed for help so I shot a few bolts into the doorway but these guys didn’t seem to realise you can’t get a clear shot if you have someone you’re “not” trying to hit in the way. The fighters seemed to be doing well enough and I only had to take down one or two goblins that slipped past them. The Orc seemed to come to his senses and promptly cut a goblin in two. This seemed to dishearten them as they fled back the way they came but then one said something about my mother, needless to say that meant his head is now being used as a lantern as I write this.
The fighters ran on after the last goblin as I continued through the cave, they caught up with me when I found the stolen caravan goods, we proceeded to grab as much as we could carry, I even found some new javelins.
When I turned around the pretty-boy and the cat transvestite had disappeared down a tunnel so I thought I would leave them to their love making, each to their own after all. I moved on ahead into a bigger chamber, looked like crappy dwarven work which means it probably was gnomes. I turned around to see the Orc following me but after a few racist slurs we went our separate ways.
So much for the help, I bump into the most random love triangle in existence and still no sign of the civs. Well don’t worry it got even better; the next chamber I found turned out to be a host to a goblin city. I toyed with the idea of bringing the roof down on their heads but I didn’t have my trebuchet handy. That being said there didn’t seem to anyone at all down there.
The two love birds caught up with me while I was preparing to climb down to the camp and the pretty-boy told me he was a paladin doing a scouting mission for Ashridge. Something about the build up of some force of evil that he had to smite, I told him if he helped me get the civs outta here I’d help you get your intel. The furry lookin girl told me to look over the edge cause there was some beer or something but if I trusted every girl who told me there was beer over a cliff, I would have fallen down more cliffs. The paladin found the civs and a goblin map showing the positions of enemy build ups but the real surprise was looking over the edge to see a flaming ice dragon and the leaders of this would be army having a chat about a whole lot of stuff I didn’t understand. Something about a weapon or training to be completed in a month. Needless to say we legged it outta there asap. Looks like this area is going to become a warzone soon, I should get my pay and get the hell outta here.
Interesting note the furry chick is something called an Arasi.
A half-elf fucked a cat… who knew?

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Gangrim

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